Butterfly Kisses

“You want to hire a do-what-a?” I still remember my husband rolling his eyes at me the first time I mentioned hiring a doula. He thought I was crazy and the topic was tabled for a few weeks. Then we began taking our childbirth classes. There was a doula in the class with us working on her certification. She explained what a doula did and I talked my reluctant husband into adding this third person into our equation.

Fast forward to birthing day. Our doula was amazing. She got the call around 1:30 am and was at the hospital before I was checked into my labor room. She supported my husband and I both. She made she he was taken care of so that he could provide support for me. She was another source of information for us and could be someone to remind us of what we learned in our childbirth classes as well as what our desires were. During pushing she helped to support my body physically as well as massaging out some horrible tension in my foot turning my contractions. When Becca was born they feared she had some meconium in her lungs so baby girl and my husband went into the next room for deep suctioning. If it weren’t for my doula I would have been left alone with some doctors and nurses I had never met before (my midwife hadn’t been paged until it was too late). During that time I was having some repair work done and couldn’t go with her. I was afraid for my daughter and sad that she wasn’t with me. This is where my doula really shined. She was right there, explaining everything that was going on. She helped me to find the strength to advocate for myself when I was too tired to remember my original desires. I know for certain that if we hadn’t hired a doula I would have had a very different birth experience.

After Becca was born I became a childbirth educator and eventually a doula myself. I often find a misconception in the public about what exactly a doula is and what she does for a laboring mother. I wanted to take a moment and explain this.

A doula is a textbook of information, a loving set of hands, an unwavering cheerleader, a sympathetic ear, a guide, an advocate, an expert in relaxation, really a walking heart that happens to have hands.

In your labor you need your ‘people’. The ones you know are the just to support you. They don’t have to worry about arbitrary rules, getting sued or time limits. They don’t have other patients to attend to. You are their only concern and their shift doesn’t end. Their only goal is for you to have the best possible birth experience for you and your baby. Within this goes without saying we want mom and baby to be as healthy as they can be.

So who are the best people to surround yourself with? You need to have people who care about you, are invested into your birth and who support your goals for your best birth. If you desire a natural birth having someone constantly telling you that you look like you are in so much pain and you need medication is not helpful. You need to have people who know your goals, support them, and will do everything in their power to help you achieve them.

This is where a doula comes in. One of the biggest misconceptions about doulas is that they are only for people wanting a natural childbirth. This is not true. While people desiring a natural childbirth are a big part of the client population they are by far not the only ones! It can be a long time between labor starting and the point at which an epidural can be administered depending on your situation! In other cases you may have wanted an epidural but there is a situation preventing one (low platelet level, not enough time) or maybe it just didn’t work! Having an expert in pain management techniques can be key. It can also be very hard to effectively push when medicated and a doula can help physically support you in a variety of pushing positions as well as offer alternative suggestions on ways in which you can push to move baby more effectively.

Another confusing point about doulas is how they are different from a certified nurse midwife. A midwife is your primary healthcare provider, you see her for all your medical needs. She will see you once a month for your prenatal care, she can write prescriptions for morning sickness medications as needed and with your nurse, handles all the clinical aspects of your birth. If there is a tear she will stitch it. She can also order an epidural or pitocin as you wish. Simply because you choose a midwife doesn’t mean you are locked into a natural childbirth. They see many women who desire a more medicalized approach.

A doula doesn’t do clinical tasks. She will not check your blood pressure, she will not check your cervix and she will not monitor fetal heart tones. She instead tells you what typical readings mean. She can assist you with managing the difficulty of a contraction while a blood pressure cuff is squeezing your arm. She can explain to you about cervical dilation, what a particular number means in relation to childbirth and more importantly what it doesn’t mean. She can help with positioning and hold the monitor in place so that the doctor or midwife can get an accurate reading and you don’t have to be tied to the bed. She can work with your healthcare provider to discover their goals for certain procedures and how they mesh with your desires and often times find middle ground. It has often been joked that doulas are so skilled at the art of careful negotiations that given the chance they could solve the war in the Middle East!

A lot of people fear that hiring a doula would be ‘weird’ or that they would replace your partner. This just isn’t true. It is a lot less weird having someone there for you who knows your goals and desires than it is to have some nurse you’ve never met before. It is not weird in the slightest when you get to know your doula in the same way that you get to know your healthcare provider. In fact most people report feeling more comfortable birthing in front of their doula because they knew she truly understood birth and she supported them without pause the entire time. As for replacing your partner, this would be impossible. There is never going to be a doula who knows you as well or loves you as much as your partner does. Period. A skilled doula knows how to support your partner in their goal of supporting you. It is not about replacing, it’s about enhancing.

We all know that the best weight loss programs are the ones where you have a solid source of support. The best fitness regimens are supplemented by a professional trainer/couch. In almost everything we want to do in life it is only enhanced with good support. This is even more so on the most important event of your life the birth of your child.

No matter what your idea is when you envision your childbirth a doula only can strengthen it.